We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
