Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
