i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
