I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
