cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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