Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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