Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
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