i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
