I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
