Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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