My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
