I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
