We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
