I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
