He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
