batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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