So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
