Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
