the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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