fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
