And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
