i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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