saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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