I think i peed on brittanys purse
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
