Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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