I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
