i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We had to coat check the pizza.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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