This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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