I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
