Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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