dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
