I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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