I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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