but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
