what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
