mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
