Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
