I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
