You're my little dorito
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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