At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
