I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Never joke about your clitoris.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
