..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
