i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
