did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
