My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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