I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
