the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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