Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
