Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
even my farts smell like vagina
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
