Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
