i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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