She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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