He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I fill condoms, not promises.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm always down for nudity.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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