I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
