Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
