When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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