I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
